So sick

I am feeling really home sick.

That's what I thought until I realized maybe I'm feeling youth sick.

I keep having dreams where I can rewind time.

I'm so fed up with my thoughts these days.

2010

1981 was almost 30 years ago.

You'll never again meet someone someone like me, she said.

And she was right. Perspective of a few years is a blessing and a bitch.

Summary of 2007

2006 I graduated, and then left Canada.
2007 I worked hard, made new friends, started to figure out the future
2008 will be what kind of year?

Settling into Silicon Valley, travelling for work to Taiwan/Japan/Kansas City, playing hockey, rock climbing, working, working working, meeting Gladys, Thu, Mike, Linda and Gene, Volleyball with Alex & Crew, San Diego, being ignored at the climbing gym by Karena, LOST, bouldering Castle Rock, a trip to the ER, various visitors to my home, releasing my phone, lotsa Wii, Kau'ai w/ Karena, hockey fights w/ Genentech, Ottawa.

I learned long ago to expect the unexpected, or in effect to not expect anything at all. I have some resolutions of things to change about myself but I know my life is always up in the air, a coin flipping edge over edge, ready to land on one side or the other.

Float on...

Bad news comes don't you worry even when it lands

Good news will work its way to all them plans

We both got fired on the exactly the same day

Well we'll float on good news is on the way

A song from my favourite j-dorama of all time...

I'm just the pieces of the man I used to be
Too many bitter tears raining down on me
I'm far away from home
And I've been facing this alone for much too long
I feel like no-one ever told the truth to me
About growing up and what a struggle it would be
In my tangled state of mind
I've been looking back to find where I went wrong

Too much love will kill you
If you can't make up your mind
Torn between a lover and the love you leave behind
You're headed for disaster 'cos you never read the signs
Too much love will kill you - every time

I'm just the shadow of the man I used to be
And it seems there's no way out this for me
I used to bring you sunshine
Now all I ever do is bring you down
How would it be if you were standing in my shoes
Can't you see that it's impossible to choose
No there's making sense of it
Every way I go I have to lose

Too much love will kill you
Just as sure as none at all.
It'll drain the power that's in you
Make you plead and scream and crawl
And the pain will make you crazy
You're the victim of your crime
Too much love will kill you
Every time

Too much love will kill you
It'll make your life a lie
Yes, too much love will kill you
And you won't understand why
You'd give your life you'd sell your soul
But here it comes again
Too much love will kill you
In the end...
In the end.

While we're on the subject

Could we change the subject now?
I was knocking on your ears
Don't worry, you were always out
Looking towards the future
We were begging for the past
Well, we know we had the good things
But those never seemed to last

I've known you're around. You've haunted my memories and thoughts for awhile. Why are you here? You told me you'd never come. I just wanted hope. Now I've got confusion.

And you don't notice it, and won't.